


Need Your Love

by sunsethue



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Happy Birthday Donghyuck, I love Johnny Suh please don't doubt that, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 04:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19077445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsethue/pseuds/sunsethue
Summary: As his best friend, Mark is always there to save Donghyuck. A love story that was a decade in the making.





	Need Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday our FullSun, Lee Donghyuck. DNYL is still unreleased right now (June 3) but this story was inspired somehow by the teasers.

15

When Donghyuck was 15 years old, he had the misfortune of being assigned to a class separated from his friends. It wouldn’t have bugged him too much if Jaemin and Jeno were assigned to different classrooms too but that was not the case because his two friends were assigned in the same class. 

Donghyuck is friendly and he gets along well with his own classmates. But he prefers the company of the two so he ended up spending his last year in middle school hanging out in Jaemin and Jeno’s classroom during breaks. 

Mark is his friends’ classmate. He sat next to them and got along well with the two boys. Mark is also friendly with Donghyuck, despite Donghyuck hogging Mark’s seat whenever he stayed in their classroom. The two of them often bonded over music and anime, even sharing weekly playlists and stories of what they are currently watching.

Mark is the more quiet one among them four but Donghyuck felt easily comfortable with him. Mark would easily laugh at his jokes and would always tell him to take care on his way home. Donghyuck cherises the way Mark cares for him. When they moved to high school, the four of them remained inseparable. 

 

16

Donghyuck had crushes on girls in the past but when he was 16 years old, he realized that he liked boys too. His realization came in the form of his first male crush -- the school’s volleyball captain, Jung Jaehyun. 

Weeks after realizing this, Donghyuck came out to his friends, to which they responded with hugs and acceptance. Soon, he was dragging his friends to all the volleyball games of their varsity team just to watch Jaehyun. His friends indulged him and a chunk of their Saturdays in their first year in high school was spent on cheering for the varsity team. 

Jaehyun is already in his senior year at that time and when his graduation came, the four of them sat under a tree inside their school campus and watched him march up the stage from a distance.

“Are you okay?”Mark asks out of nowhere after Jaehyun got back to his seat and was hidden from their view.

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Well, you won’t be seeing him anymore. I know you really like him.”

Donghyuck replies with a shrug. “It will be sad because there won’t be a beautiful view in our campus anymore, but I’ll live,” he says. His response made Mark laugh and Donghyuck laughed too.

“But seriously, I’m okay,” Donghyuck says. “It’s just like a full-blown crush, though I owe him for making my first year in high school meaningful. But I don’t even really know him, just an image we have about him. Jung Jaehyun will just be a good memory of a first love.”

“Is that what he is? Your first love?” Mark asks.

“Maybe? Something close to that? I don’t know,” Donghyuck says. “But no one ends up with their first love anyway.”

Mark nods before reaching for Donghyuck’s hand and giving it a squeeze. Donghyuck responds with a squeeze too and a smile. Jaehyun might have graduated already but high school still looked promising with his three best friends right beside him.

 

18

Donghyuck's first real relationship happened after he turned 18 years old. He was fairly known in their year, mostly because he won the school’s talent show for two consecutive years. But it still took him by surprise when Yukhei took interest in him.

Yukhei has everything -- student council president, perfect grades, a spot in the basketball varsity team and good looks. Yukhei is popular both among the students and their teachers. 

Donghyuck was in the library, cramming an assignment before the first bell rings, when Yukhei asked him out. There were no other people around and Yukhei looked sincere but Donghyuck still doubted it. He knew Yukhei is not a bad person but Donghyuck still asked if he was only acting on a dare or did he get the wrong person. 

But Yukhei was adamant to prove himself and two weeks after the confession, he and Donghyuck started officially dating. 

With Yukhei’s status, it was expected that their relationship will be under the scrutiny of others. But Donghyuck didn’t mind. Yukhei treated him well and his friends warmed up easily to Yukhei too. During their prom, they were named the best couple of the night. 

It’s more than six months of pure bliss and Donghyuck momentarily forgot that they will be graduating already. He didn’t think it would be a problem until acceptance letters from different universities arrived. A week before graduation, Donghyuck and Yukhei’s relationship reaches a standstill. They were going on different paths, Yukhei is leaving the country. For days, they mulled about trying a long distance relationship. But as they spend more time away from each other during the “pause,” the more they realized they cannot maintain such relationship.

On graduation day, they kiss in front of their batchmates after Yukhei gave his valedictorian speech. Two days later, Yukhei and Donghyuck officially breaks up in front of Donghyuck’s house. 

Not knowing what to do after his first break up, Donghyuck holed up in his room for a whole day. Mark arrives just before midnight, carrying a plastic with a tub of ice cream and a pack of gummy bears.

“Yukhei called me,” Mark says as he laid down next to Donghyuck on his bed. It felt comforting for Donghyuck because it reminded him of all the sleepovers they used to have. They haven’t done that in a while with senior year being hectic and Donghyuck spending all his free time with Yukhei.

“Did he tell you we broke up?” Donghyuck asks.

“No,” Mark says. “He just said he’s flying to Hong Kong tomorrow and thanked me for being a good friend.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck says. “Well then, I’m telling you now that we broke up already. We both cannot commit to a long distance relationship.”

“I guessed that much so I brought you some packs of gummy bears and ice cream. It’s your favorite chocolate mint.”

“But you hate chocolate mint.” 

“And I’m not the one who needs ice cream tonight.” 

Donghyuck opts not to answer and just snuggles closer to his best friend. He allowed his tears to fall as Mark softly plays with his hair.

“Will you be okay?” Mark whispers to Donghyuck.

After long minutes of silence, Donghyuck nods.

“I’ll be okay. It hurts because he means a lot to me but I know he’s not someone I can’t hold on to anyway.”

“We’ll keep you distracted the whole summer. College is starting soon so we have to make tons of memories now before we go to the bigger world,” Mark says.

Donghyuck nods again, before drifting to sleep. That night, more than the ice cream, it’s Mark’s warm hug and presence that comforted Donghyuck through his first heartbreak. 

 

19

Jaemin confesses to Jeno on the first day of college. The way he confessed was amusing and Donghyuck witnessed it all. 

Donghyuck and Jeno share the same pre-law major so they had mostly similar classes. Jaemin is taking up architecture and Mark is doing pre-medicine so they were both in different buildings. 

Suddenly, right after their last class that day, Jaemin appeared in front of their building without notice and holds Jeno’s hand. 

“What are you doing here? Did your classes ended already?” Jeno asks.

“I want to ask you out on a date. No, not just a date. I want to be your boyfriend.”

Donghyuck laughs from the side.

“There were so many new people around me today and I should be making friends but all I can think about is that you will be making new friends too and I was so scared I will lose you,” Jaemin continues. “Then I realized I don’t like you just as my best friend. I’m in love with you. I want to be your boyfriend. I want the labels but only with you. I don’t want anyone else.”

Of course, Jeno accepts the confession. In Donghyuck’s perspective, Jeno had always been obvious of his feelings for Jaemin.

“I didn’t know if you felt the same as I did so I waited all summer for you to confess,” Jeno says. “But I guess it was worth the wait.”

Later, after they relayed the story to Mark, the other boy shook Jaemin’s hand. “You are the brave one here,” he says. 

Donghyuck didn’t understand completely what Mark meant but he agreed that Jaemin was indeed brave. It was a big step to go from friends to lovers.

 

20

Jeno and Jaemin officially dating didn’t bring a big change in their dynamics as friends. But the busy schedule of Mark surely did. They barely saw him in the campus so Donghyuck often third-wheeled to his bestfriends.

Understandably, the medicine track is busier and more demanding. This led to a new habit of Mark showing up randomly at odd hours in Donghyuck’s room to crash every other day. He said it’s because Donghyuck’s house is nearer the campus but Donghyuck knows Mark just misses his friends.

They’d do small talks, catch up with their lives, but mostly Donghyuck just allows Mark to sleep in. 

One Friday night, Mark arrived earlier than usual. It was just past 7 p.m. but he went straight to Donghyuck’s bed. 

“Hey Mark,” Donghyuck whispers to his ear. “You don’t have to get up but I’m about to leave okay. I’ll be back in three hours at most.”

Mark opens his eyes slowly. “You’re leaving? Where are you going?”

“I’m just going to have dinner with Yeri. She finally said yes after weeks of my pestering,” Donghyuck says, grinning widely.

“Who’s Yeri?” Mark asks.

“The pretty classmate of mine I kept talking about. Did you not listen every time I talked about her?” Donghyuck says.

“I listened,” Mark says. “I thought you just found her pretty. I didn’t know you were asking her out.”

“We have this weird chemistry together,” Donghyuck says. “I’d annoy her and she’d answer me with sarcasm. But she’s really nice too and I’d like to see where this can go.”

Mark nods, letting Donghyuck’s words sink. Then he slowly stood up and fixed his clothes.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, pulling the hem of Mark’s hoodie. “You don’t have to leave. Get some sleep first and I’ll bring you food after our dinner.”

Mark laughs and ruffles Donghyuck’s hair. “You’re silly. You’re going on a date so me staying here will only burden you to come home early. Just enjoy your time okay? It’s still early so I can still catch the train home.”

Donghyuck pulls away, and jokingly whines, “my hair.” Then he hugs Mark and says “wish me luck.”

“Good luck and have fun, Donghyuck-ah.”

 

21

Donghyuck and Yeri never got together. They went on two more dates before Yeri said she can’t see the “spark” between them.

Donghyuck would’ve laughed if he didn’t completely agree with her. 

When he told his friends about this, Jeno said they should drink to Donghyuck’s first rejection.

They met in a small bar near their university, with Jeno and Jaemin arriving first and Mark arriving more than an hour late.

“Why are you so late? Is it still exam week in your college?” Donghyuck asks. 

Mark shakes his head as he sits next to Donghyuck. “No, but I was dropping Renjun home when you called and then I had to commute all the way back here.”

“Oh! You were on a date?” Jaemin asks.

“Renjun? Your lab partner?” Donghyuck asks. “You’re dating him now?”

“Not officially yet,” Mark says, smiling shyly. “But hopefully we get there.”

“So this is serious, huh?” Donghyuck asks, laughing excitedly. “Does he like you too? How did it happen? I want details.”

“It was really unplanned,” Mark says. “During one lab class, he was really sleepy. So he was closing his eyes and nodding to sleep and I said he looked cute. He blushed and said I was cute too. It started like that.”

“Wow. I didn’t know you had the guts in you to flirt with your lab partner,” Jeno says.

“I agree,” Donghyuck says. “When was the last time you dated? Minah from high school? Or that fling you had with your TA last semester? Lee Taeyong?”

“That was not even a fling,” Jaemin says. “Mark shut him out even before he was able to ask him out.”

“I wasn’t… I liked somebody else at that time,” Mark says. “It would’ve been unfair to him.”

“Yeah, we still don’t know who you liked back then,” Donghyuck says. “But Renjun sounds lovely. When do we get to meet him?”

“I want you to meet him too but maybe when we all gathered for more positive reasons,” Mark says. “By the way, are you okay?” he asks, turning the full attention back to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck laughs bitterly. “So I’ve just been dumped but no big deal,” he says. 

“It’s too bad,” Mark says. “I didn’t even get to meet Yeri.”

“You’d probably still get to meet her. She said we’re still friends,” Donghyuck says with a shrug. 

“You’re okay being friends with someone who dumped you?” Jaemin asks.

“It doesn’t feel that bad,” Donghyuck says. “I’ll find someone better who will like me for me.”

Mark opened another bottle of beer and placed it in front of Donghyuck. “As long as you don’t get hurt,” he says. 

 

23

Donghyuck met Johnny towards the beginning of his third year in college. They met in one of the college parties Donghyuck attended with his classmates, the host being one of Johnny’s friends. 

Johnny is older than him by four years and is already working for a big retail company. But despite the age gap, the attraction between them is mutual. 

When they got together, Donghyuck’s friends were worried. But they kept their opinions to themselves and supported Donghyuck’s decision. For almost two years, right until Donghyuck finished his pre-law, he and Johnny were together.

Donghyuck thought this was already it for him. He really loves Johnny and can see a future with him. But just a few weeks before their second anniversary, Donghyuck catches Johnny cheating on him. The scene was scandalous and Donghyuck felt his heart froze when he saw Johnny and another boy on his boyfriend’s bed.

It was the worse heartbreak he experienced his entire life and he didn’t know what to do. 

It’s Renjun who saw his breakdown first. Good thing Donghyuck already moved out and was renting a room with Renjun at that time so his parents weren’t able to witness his heartbreak.

Renjun, who dated Mark briefly but remained a close friend to all four of them when the relationship did not work out, offered the first aid of warm hugs as Donghyuck cries and cries over his broken relationship.

He immediately calls Mark, knowing that Donghyuck will need his best friend the most.

Mark rushes to Donghyuck and Renjun’s shared apartment, disheveled and still in his doctor’s coat.

He allows Donghyuck to cry on him, not asking anything first, until the boy fell asleep.

When Donghyuck was finally sleeping, Renjun offers Mark a cold glass of water because he can feel Mark’s anger radiating.

“He hurt him,” Mark says, seething. “I knew that bastard will hurt him.”

“Don’t do anything rash, Mark,” Renjun says. “Wait for Donghyuck to decide on what to do. It’s still his relationship.”

Mark nods but his grip on the glass he was holding was not loosening.

“Did you rush here from the hospital?” Renjun asks.

“Yes,” Mark says. “I just clocked out when I got your text.”

“That explains the coat and your hospital smell,” Renjun says.

“Don’t you miss it?” Mark teases.

“Nope,” Renjun says. “Dropping med school for a degree in interior design is the best decision I made in my entire life.”

“I know, I’m just teasing.” Mark says.

“But will Donghyuck be okay?” Renjun asks.

“I don’t know,” Mark says. “We’ll have to ask him when he wakes up. I hope he will be okay. For now, we just have to be here for him.”

“You should tell him someday, you know,” Renjun says. “Not now because he’s still heartbroken. But someday you need to tell him that you are in love with him.”

“Maybe when the time is right, but not right now. He loved Johnny so much. I know that. Maybe when his heart is not broken anymore and can try to love someone else again.”

“Don’t take too long next time,” Renjun says. “Someone might come snatch him again and you’ll spend many years still pining over your best friend.”

“I know that,” Mark says. “As soon as he feels okay and bounced back, and he’s ready to love again, I’ll take my chance already.”

 

24 

Unfortunately for Mark, bouncing back did not come easily to Donghyuck. Nursing a broken heart and moving on is hard when the person cannot let go.

Donghyuck spent many days crying over his failed relationship and getting angry at the world. For so many weeks, Mark patiently comforted him and did not even a pick fight every time Donghyuck screamed at him saying he is not okay.

When law school started, Donghyuck’s approach to getting over his heartbreak changed. He poured himself to his school work and Mark became his unofficial study date. Donghyuck’s friends saw it as a positive move because he is being more productive and feeling less pitiful.

But what they were not ready for is Donghyuck throwing himself to a series of temporary relationships and one night stands.

Donghyuck partied as hard as he studied and Mark was not there always to accompany him because he was busy in his duty in the hospital. Sometimes he was out with Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun but often he was with his law school friends in different clubs or parties.

There were a string of names that Donghyuck’s friends heard more than twice but most of the people he slept with remained strangers even to Donghyuck. They forced Mark to intervene.

“He will only listen to you,” Jeno says.

“This is getting out of hand,” Jaemin says. “It’s like he’s becoming a serial dater.”

“It’s not even dates,” Jeno counters. “He’s just sleeping with them and detaching even more.”

“The number of nights he doesn’t come home are getting out of hand,” Renjun says. “He just threw himself to the party scene and flirted with everyone. It’s not healthy.”

Mark is torn because he feels hurt too. He doesn’t want to dictate to Donghyuck how to live his life and he was feeling sad too because of his own unrequited love. 

So one night, he offers to pick Donghyuck up from a party out of the blue.

Donghyuck isn’t drunk yet, but he has alcohol in his system already. It’s just 11 in the evening and Mark showed up all dressed up.

“If you wanted to drink with me, you should’ve just called me sooner,” Donghyuck says, smiling. It was not a happy smile but more of a teasing one. Still, Mark liked seeing it.

They drank and danced together that night, just the two of them. Donghyuck did not look anywhere else and Mark only looked at Donghyuck, like always. When they were both tipsy and tired, they hailed a cab to Mark’s apartment.

“Let’s make a deal,” Mark says, while in the car. “You can drink all you want and party all you want and maybe flirt with anyone all you want. But you come home with me after every party. No more one night stands.”

Donghyuck frowns. “I’m an adult, Mark. I can make my own decision on what to do with my life.”

 

“I am not imposing to you how to live,” Mark says. “I am asking, as someone who has been beside you for the past 10 years, to give me this. You can do anything you want and I will not stop you. But I cannot just watch you to hurt yourself. You know what I mean. Channeling all the pain you feel on other people’s beds. Just come home with me. If I can’t pick you up because of my hospital duty, come home to me. I’ll give you a key to my apartment. It’s the only thing I will ask from you.”

Donghyuck stares hard into Mark’s eyes, like he was challenging him to take back his words. But Mark is firm. He reaches for Donghyuck’s hand and held it tightly. 

All the tired, helpless feeling Donghyuck had been going through the past months seem to even pour harder on him that moment. He is in pain, but at that moment he recognized how it’s self-inflicted pain already. 

“Why are you doing this?” Donghyuck says. “Am I so wrecked already that you feel like you need to save me?”

“No, Donghyuck,” Mark says. “You are not wrecked and I am not doing any saving here. I want to be part of everything you go through but I don’t want you to hurt yourself. It’s because you are beautiful, and you don’t deserve to get hurt.”

Tears fill up Donghyuck’s eyes and Mark pulls him to a hug. He hates that he is crying again but this time, he hopes it’s the last. Donghyuck cries out, whispering “I’m not okay” repeatedly to Mark. 

When they got home, Mark and Donghyuck cuddled to sleep. Just like old times, Donghyuck thinks. 

 

25

Things were not the same after that night, no matter how much Mark and Donghyuck try to pass things as normal. It’s not awkward but there’s tension between them. It’s like there’s an attempt to lay down the cards but the other player refused to look. 

Donghyuck is not dumb. He knows Mark has actually confessed to him but in so many words. This was a surprise to him. Donghyuck never knew about Mark’s feelings for him prior to that night. Mark has always treated him special but Donghyuck did not interpret it as anything more than friendship. He may not be dumb but he feels guilty because he might have been insensitive all these years.

Thinking about it now, maybe he is dumb. 

After that night, Donghyuck did not go out much anymore. But everytime he did, he was only with Mark or Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin. And he would often go home to Mark’s apartment, invading his space and his bed. 

Every now and then, Mark would drop hints that he likes Donghyuck. But he never said it straight to the point and never asked for Donghyuck to respond. In fact, when he feels like Donghyuck wants to ask or say something about their relationship, Mark would quickly change the topic.

The hardest part is Donghyuck isn’t sure how to return Mark’s affection. He loves Mark, but for years he has only loved him as a friend. He’s already imposing on Mark’s time and space, it would have been so easy to jump in and just take anything Mark has to give. But Donghyuck loves Mark more than his life and he doesn’t want to be selfish. Mark deserves honesty, he doesn’t deserve to be love out of necessity only.

So Mark and Donghyuck fall into a pattern. It’s like an upgraded version of their friendship, only with more affection. They go out, just the two of them. They cuddle and sleep in one bed almost every night. Mark is affectionate and Donghyuck is attentive. 

Donghyuck feels really happy, but also confused because they don’t talk about it. 

When he told his friends (minus Mark) about this, Jaemin says Mark is probably just waiting for him to make the next move.

“The ball is in your court now, Donghyuck,” he says. “He waited a long time for you and he will keep waiting until you make a move.”

Donghyuck hates just a tiny bit that all his friends are aware that Mark is in love with him and he has been the only clueless one all these years. He even felt apologetic to Renjun before his friend dismissed his worries.

“We didn’t work out not because he was in love with you but because we are really only attracted to each other on platonic, friendly level,” Renjun says. “You don’t need to apologize for anything because Mark had been good to me too.”

“We never thought Mark would ever act on his feelings for you,” Jeno says. “I thought everything will just pass by and he would just move on someday.” 

“I don’t know what to,” Donghyuck says. “I want to talk about what is going on between us but it’s like he doesn’t want to. It’s like we are just exchanging mixed signals with each other.”

Donghyuck is scared because this is the biggest risk he’d be taking in his life. His friends can see how worried he really is. "If I fuck this up, I’m going to hate myself so much. I can’t afford to lose Mark.”

"Then don't fuck it up. Think about what you really feel about him and tell him that," Jaemin says.

"That's the problem. I'm not confident about not fucking up,” Donghyuck says. “Look at my history. Something always goes wrong."

"All those people in your past, they are not Mark Lee. That is the biggest difference,” Jeno says. “He will never hurt you. Mark has patiently watched you fall in and out of love for years. His feelings were constantly there. He adores you, more than you can imagine. And I know you will not forgive yourself if you hurt him."

"I don't deserve him," Donghyuck says.

“That’s a lie and you know Mark would not like to hear that,” Renjun says.

“If you are feeling conflicted or rushed, take a step back,” Jaemin says. “But I still think the wisest thing to do now is to actually just talk to him.”

 

26

The talk came two weeks later, on Donghyuck’s 26th birthday.

Mark and Donghyuck have a tradition between the two of them of exchanging birthday cards since they were 16. It started as a joke, 10 years ago, after Mark forgot Dongyuck’s 16th birthday and gave him a store-bought birthday card with nothing written on it. Donghyuck reciprocated with a printed card with just a big “Happy Birthday” written on it. Every year, since then, they exchange birthday cards on their birthdays.

This time, the birthday card felt more weighty on Donghyuck’s hand. 

“You actually wrote me a letter this time,” Donghyuck says, grinning widely. 

“I used to not write on the cards because I’m scared I might say too much,” Mark says. “I can freely say what I want now in my letter so I just… went on and wrote.”

Donghyuck reads the card in front of Mark, despite the other boy’s protest. He smiles at the beginning anecdotes about how they met 10 years ago but when he got to the latter part of the letter, his tears involuntarily fell.

Mark wipes the tears and plucks the card from Donghyuck’s hand.

“...and whenever I am with you, there is only one thought on my mind. I want to see you happy everyday. You have always been special to me so I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I knew I was in love with you. I think you are even my first love. But more importantly, at this exact moment, I want you to know that I love you. I loved you for many years, I love you now and I just really want to love you for a long time,” Mark reads from his card.

Donghyuck reaches out to hug Mark, before whispering “thank you, Mark. For loving me.”

Mark returns the hug before moving away from Donghyuck’s hug to properly look at the other boy. 

“Jaemin told me you’re agonizing about this whole set-up we have. And feeling guilty too over my feelings. You don’t have to feel that way, Hyuck. It was my choice to love you,” Mark says. “I made many mistakes too, missed lots of opportunities to confess. When Jaemin asked Jeno out back in our first year in college, I should’ve taken a chance then too. But I got scared and I even doubted my own feelings.”

“I’m scared now,” Donghyuck says. “I really like you too. I mean, you know I love you, but like in a romantic way too. I want us to be together. But I don’t know how to prove myself worthy of you.”

Mark reaches for Donghyuck’s right hand and made small patterns on his palm. Donghyuck can see he was nervous too. 

“You don’t have to prove anything. Out of all the people in the world, I’m one of those who knows you best. I trust you and you know what I feel about you. If you want us to be together, I would be very happy.”

Donghyuck sips in Mark’s words and smiles. “Then, let’s do this,” he says. “Be my boyfriend, Mark Lee.”

The kisses they shared that night felt satisfying and long overdue. Donghyuck has never felt this complete his whole life. And Donghyuck thinks, finally, that if he and Mark are together, they’ll always be okay.


End file.
